look guise, I have fan art!!!
Just saw a post on facebook that said "best girlfriend in the world knitted me longhands!" Damn, not only do I not know what a "longhands" is but also the only thing I know how to knit is my eyebrows.
Surprisingly, despite all my claims that my employment title is currently Bumming, it has been a while since I've stayed home chilling like This. (By This, I mean not going out of the house till dinner because This is what I'm doing today) Picture me giving you a lazy smile like this >>>> : )
So while I may be Bumming, I am busy! ok! really busy!!!
I've read too few books this year (and my year is but one long holiday). I blame my internship. All I wanted to do after work was to turn my brain into mush in front of the tv. I am currently embarking on a diet of classics, just finished The Great Gatsby and am about a quarter through The Golden Notebook. I actually keep a list of the books I've read and am contemplating going through one of them 100 Best Books List, mainly for my own strange sense of satisfaction and achievement. but i can't decide on which list >(
and of course the list must include the two books above mentioned- IF NOT I READ FOR WHAT RIGHT. hur hur hur hur hur.
K. enough. i feel like a huge nerd.
another random paragraph about my holiday:
I have perfected Scrambled Eggs. even if i say so myself. I love my scrambled eggs all runny and after perusing several recipes and tips on how to cook them scrambled eggs, I got it! Which is also why I think brunch is grossly overpriced (but not over rated because I do love brunch) and I hate paying 15 bucks for something I could whip up at home. Or at least my mom could. The beauty of waking up late and saying good morning to the whirlwind of my mom leaving the house is that I decide what I want for breakfast. And that is nearly always eggs in all its various forms.
Yawn. I am so bored of all my shallow thoughts. I sit at my desk, pen and paper (or keyboard) ready, but no groundbreaking ideas or apt observations spill from the nib of my pen and all I can muster is how brunch is over-priced and other laments such as how sick I am of Self Absorbed People. Among my various other first world unstimulating complaints that are immediately relevant to my personal life and are in no way representative of humanity nor the human condition.
So irritated at myself. I must endeavor to finish at least a few non-fiction books be it politics/philosophy/psychology this holiday.
Other Things I Must Do:
- Research for BKK trip
- Research for Epic Aussie Adventure
- Study for BTT
- Give tuition (am selling my soul to my mother who is treating me like some commodity and making me give tuition to my various family members such that I can fund my Aussie trip. Refer to "employment" status)
The year is passing so quickly. I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT WANTING SCHOOL TO START.
A Fraction Of The Whole- Steve Toltz
Saturday, May 26, 2012 11:46 PM
favourite quotes from A Fraction Of The Whole by Steve Toltz:
"You've probably worked out by now that if you think courageous thoughts, you will cross busy streets without looking, and if you think sadistic, venal thoughts, you will find yourself pulling out the chair every time someone is about to sit down. You are what you think. So if you don't want to turn into your father, you don't want to think yourself into a corner like he did- you need to think yourself into the open, and the only way to do that is to enjoy not knowing whether you're right or wrong, play the game of life without trying to work out the rules. Stop judging the living, enjoy futility, don't be disillusioned with murder, remember that fasting men survive while starving men die, laugh as your illusions collapse, and above all, always bless every single minute of this silly season in hell."
how apt, on xenophobia and the world at large:
"... But I doubted that they were aware of the adolescent competition among political leaders to see who had the toughest immigration policies, the kind you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley. Or that public opinion was already set against them, because even if you're running for your life you still have to wait in line, or that Australia, like everywhere, excelled in making excellent arbitrary distinctions between people seem important."
amongst other acute and interesting observations:
"But what I want to know is, what does your view of my father say about you? When someone comes into the world who reaches the worst depths that humans can sink to, we will always call him a monster, or evil, or the embodiment of evil, but there is never any serious hint or suggestion that there is something actually supernatural or otherworldly about this individual. He may be an evil man, but he is just a man. But when our extraordinary person operating on the other side of the spectrum, the good, rises to the surface, like Jesus or Buddha, immediately we elevate him to God, a deity, something divine, supernatural, otherworldly. This is a reflection of how we see ourselves. We have no trouble believing that the worst creature who has done the most harm is a man, but we absolutely cannot believe that the best creature, who tries to inspire imagination, creativity and empathy, can be one of us. We just don't think that highly of ourselves, but we happily think that low."
and
"... how when you're a child, to stop you from following the crowd you're assaulted with the line 'If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?' but when you're an adult and to be different is suddenly a crime, people seem to be saying, 'Hey. Everyone is jumping off a bridge. Why aren't you?'"
there are also some I like, just because.
" 'Dad,' I said, 'remember how you said love is a pleasure, a stimulant and a distraction?'
'Uh huh.'
'Well, there's something else you didn't mention. And that's that if you could save the person from ever having another splinter in her finger, you'd run around the world laminating all the wood with a fine, transparent surface, just to save her from the splinter. That's love.'
Dad said, 'Huh. I'll make a note of that.' "
One of my favourite books ever, second time reading it, much thanks to sxpx who gave it to me for my 18th birthday....
"You've probably worked out by now that if you think courageous thoughts, you will cross busy streets without looking, and if you think sadistic, venal thoughts, you will find yourself pulling out the chair every time someone is about to sit down. You are what you think. So if you don't want to turn into your father, you don't want to think yourself into a corner like he did- you need to think yourself into the open, and the only way to do that is to enjoy not knowing whether you're right or wrong, play the game of life without trying to work out the rules. Stop judging the living, enjoy futility, don't be disillusioned with murder, remember that fasting men survive while starving men die, laugh as your illusions collapse, and above all, always bless every single minute of this silly season in hell."
how apt, on xenophobia and the world at large:
"... But I doubted that they were aware of the adolescent competition among political leaders to see who had the toughest immigration policies, the kind you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley. Or that public opinion was already set against them, because even if you're running for your life you still have to wait in line, or that Australia, like everywhere, excelled in making excellent arbitrary distinctions between people seem important."
amongst other acute and interesting observations:
"But what I want to know is, what does your view of my father say about you? When someone comes into the world who reaches the worst depths that humans can sink to, we will always call him a monster, or evil, or the embodiment of evil, but there is never any serious hint or suggestion that there is something actually supernatural or otherworldly about this individual. He may be an evil man, but he is just a man. But when our extraordinary person operating on the other side of the spectrum, the good, rises to the surface, like Jesus or Buddha, immediately we elevate him to God, a deity, something divine, supernatural, otherworldly. This is a reflection of how we see ourselves. We have no trouble believing that the worst creature who has done the most harm is a man, but we absolutely cannot believe that the best creature, who tries to inspire imagination, creativity and empathy, can be one of us. We just don't think that highly of ourselves, but we happily think that low."
and
"... how when you're a child, to stop you from following the crowd you're assaulted with the line 'If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?' but when you're an adult and to be different is suddenly a crime, people seem to be saying, 'Hey. Everyone is jumping off a bridge. Why aren't you?'"
there are also some I like, just because.
" 'Dad,' I said, 'remember how you said love is a pleasure, a stimulant and a distraction?'
'Uh huh.'
'Well, there's something else you didn't mention. And that's that if you could save the person from ever having another splinter in her finger, you'd run around the world laminating all the wood with a fine, transparent surface, just to save her from the splinter. That's love.'
Dad said, 'Huh. I'll make a note of that.' "
One of my favourite books ever, second time reading it, much thanks to sxpx who gave it to me for my 18th birthday.
You're going to lose me
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:54 AM
When I stop caring, I will have the loudest and last laugh.
...
Thursday, May 17, 2012 12:04 AM
bored as fuck rn.......................
i think i've reached a plateau in my life in which i'm interested in nothing and bored of everything. i actually wish school would start like NOW so i dont have to try to think of ways to make the next 2.5 months of my life as fulfilling as possible on a budget. it's like a you have to go to school kind of thing (although ok maybe not really so in university) rather than now where choices are abound and commitment is what you make of it.
"There were two Atlantics; one outside the lighthouse, and one inside me. The one inside me had no string of guiding lights." Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson
Always trying to figure out what I want out of this epic journey that is Life and after passing every checkpoint, I look back and think- that's it? Is this what I want? So much hype and then so much unhappiness. The easiest is not to think, not to contemplate and let the options swirl around, take what you can get and exist in a half squint, for looking too closely shows nothing but flaws. I have not written anything for a long time, writing things down and letting words tumble over themselves as they are written (so much more so than typed, for I am a fast typist thank you very much) evokes a deep introspection that your subconscious mind attempts to evade for the sake of a certain peace.
-break for cake, cuttlefish and tvb goodness-
this: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/three-cheers-for-boring-love/
and the end....
i think i've reached a plateau in my life in which i'm interested in nothing and bored of everything. i actually wish school would start like NOW so i dont have to try to think of ways to make the next 2.5 months of my life as fulfilling as possible on a budget. it's like a you have to go to school kind of thing (although ok maybe not really so in university) rather than now where choices are abound and commitment is what you make of it.
"There were two Atlantics; one outside the lighthouse, and one inside me. The one inside me had no string of guiding lights." Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson
Always trying to figure out what I want out of this epic journey that is Life and after passing every checkpoint, I look back and think- that's it? Is this what I want? So much hype and then so much unhappiness. The easiest is not to think, not to contemplate and let the options swirl around, take what you can get and exist in a half squint, for looking too closely shows nothing but flaws. I have not written anything for a long time, writing things down and letting words tumble over themselves as they are written (so much more so than typed, for I am a fast typist thank you very much) evokes a deep introspection that your subconscious mind attempts to evade for the sake of a certain peace.
-break for cake, cuttlefish and tvb goodness-
this: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/three-cheers-for-boring-love/
and the end.
Monday, April 30, 2012 1:20 AM
it is so WARMMMMM tonight- i can already feel how this summer is going to be killer. i will be at the pool turning into a prune if anyone needs me.
i dont really have that much to say now that i'm here. just that i like to lie back in bed, stare at the ceiling and pretend that it's a star spangled night that i see.
why is it that i can resist everything but temptation? there are some things that i do not see a point in denying anyone of... truth/compliments/food/love. but maybe indulging comes at a price of not knowing when or not having the strength to hold back when you should. that is the point when i can come up with a whole slew of excuses to do whatever i want to do or be whoever i want to be. how is anyone supposed to feel when what sounds like a fatal flaw is pointed out by someone who does not know them at all? and then i think im blowing things out of proportion. and then i go back to thinking i want to punch people.
anyhoo there is something about the new blogger layout that makes it easier to fill up with words. yes i am still talking about the new interface.
what a downer. and i was looking forward to the whole running into each others' arms kind of reunion too.
these few days, i'm discovering how lazy i can get. -stretches like a cat in the sun-
and i'm hungry. while my appetite is not the industrial strength it was pre-last-wenzday, it is recovering. yippee!! apparently, puking your brains out while intoxicated is very damaging for your stomach and stamina. my mom dug me out of bed at 7am on saturday morning for a 4 km hike at macritchie (i even ran a little bit #soproud) and i wanted to die at 2km #nolongerproud. Circle Of Death indeed. fyi, there were monkeys. i hate monkeys. fellow intern and i did an article on how to avoid monkey attacks.
see what i did there? am trying to give people a sense of my life apart from my melodramatic declarations and self reflections. and maybe make myself a little better at telling stories.
lay back in bed for a while to think of something else.
ok. met my 6p "clique" for brunch which became lunch at Antoinette at Mandarin Gallery on Saturday (after "trekking/running"). The decor was very luxe, i am loving the plush velvet sofas, gilded gold frames, carpeting, my posh wine glass and 1000 ply serviette. Also the pretty waitress that bore a resemblance with a certain perky ass-ed econs teacher. my plan to wear a slim fit dress such that i would be forced not to eat too much (save $$) was foiled by the tantalising Nordic Savoury Crepe that was smoked salmon with some kind of sauce wrapped in crepe and garnished with rocket as well as a citrus macaroon that has a nicer name than i do (Chloe). food baby be damned.
ok no more food descriptions. i am hungry. going to sleep off my hunger and wake up ravenous....
i dont really have that much to say now that i'm here. just that i like to lie back in bed, stare at the ceiling and pretend that it's a star spangled night that i see.
why is it that i can resist everything but temptation? there are some things that i do not see a point in denying anyone of... truth/compliments/food/love. but maybe indulging comes at a price of not knowing when or not having the strength to hold back when you should. that is the point when i can come up with a whole slew of excuses to do whatever i want to do or be whoever i want to be. how is anyone supposed to feel when what sounds like a fatal flaw is pointed out by someone who does not know them at all? and then i think im blowing things out of proportion. and then i go back to thinking i want to punch people.
anyhoo there is something about the new blogger layout that makes it easier to fill up with words. yes i am still talking about the new interface.
what a downer. and i was looking forward to the whole running into each others' arms kind of reunion too.
these few days, i'm discovering how lazy i can get. -stretches like a cat in the sun-
and i'm hungry. while my appetite is not the industrial strength it was pre-last-wenzday, it is recovering. yippee!! apparently, puking your brains out while intoxicated is very damaging for your stomach and stamina. my mom dug me out of bed at 7am on saturday morning for a 4 km hike at macritchie (i even ran a little bit #soproud) and i wanted to die at 2km #nolongerproud. Circle Of Death indeed. fyi, there were monkeys. i hate monkeys. fellow intern and i did an article on how to avoid monkey attacks.
see what i did there? am trying to give people a sense of my life apart from my melodramatic declarations and self reflections. and maybe make myself a little better at telling stories.
lay back in bed for a while to think of something else.
ok. met my 6p "clique" for brunch which became lunch at Antoinette at Mandarin Gallery on Saturday (after "trekking/running"). The decor was very luxe, i am loving the plush velvet sofas, gilded gold frames, carpeting, my posh wine glass and 1000 ply serviette. Also the pretty waitress that bore a resemblance with a certain perky ass-ed econs teacher. my plan to wear a slim fit dress such that i would be forced not to eat too much (save $$) was foiled by the tantalising Nordic Savoury Crepe that was smoked salmon with some kind of sauce wrapped in crepe and garnished with rocket as well as a citrus macaroon that has a nicer name than i do (Chloe). food baby be damned.
ok no more food descriptions. i am hungry. going to sleep off my hunger and wake up ravenous.
shades of green
Saturday, April 28, 2012 12:49 AM
er am not so keen on the clinical whiteness of the new blogger layout. i feel like i'm typing some sort of word document. which i am in the technical sense of the word but isn't a blog supposed to be more personable?
...
i can be the pettiest and lamest person ever sometimes when it comes to friendships and people. honestly, i really hate that about myself- sometimes i aspire for apathy and detachment, it would most definitely save me a lot of brain ache, heart ache and self reflection. Symptomatic of that, a huge pet peeve of mine is to be treated like an afterthought or a go between. On the flip side, I am forever enamoured when people say things like we should do this, do that, because it ultimately shows that people want to make future plans with me.
sometimes, resentment gets the better of me and i cant help but think that i just need some time away. pain is short lived and i just need time to get used to it, to build up antibodies. to be more.. detached. but this is just me, getting caught up in my own whirlwind of insecurities and perceived threats. even if no one else spares a thought, i will guard my heart to death.
some nights, i cross all my fingers and toes in the wish for a new life elsewhere, where nobody knows my name. going to university overseas was supposed to give me a chance for a change. i think there will always be a part of me that is forever resentful about my family's financial circumstance that makes a father-mother-scholarship impossible and another part of me that is forever resentful that i am just not as brilliant as other people. sure, comparison is the thief of all happiness, but stick me in a galaxy of stars and still i cannot shine on my own.
as shir said, a lot of growing up has been done this holiday. sometimes, i feel ashamed that i've chosen the practical path. as i said in my "personal statement", it is a choice that "blends my passions and sense of pragmatism". i'm sorry, but i just cannot bring myself to sell my soul for 6 years with meager pay in exchange for 4 years of highly-likely-but-cannot-be-confirmed joy. there is also a part of me that wishes intently that i had loved my internship and that a light in my dim brain had switched on telling me that THIS. IS WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO.
but at this point in time, the alternative to my first choice for uni courses turns my heart cold.
i think that cosmic-idiot.bs gives off the impression that i'm just a really sad depressed person -_- -_- -_-
just want to make it clear that i'm not ok!! i am actually really happy where i am right now and right now as in right now and not necessarily my place in life. i am just thankful for the people for the people i've been seeing the past week and for all the lovely time i have just bumming around. my ass isnt as itchy as it was in the past, now i can just stay home, roll around, attempt to be smarter by reading some non-fiction, eat grapes, watch tv and i am a happy girl. for the sake of writing it down:
Life As A Bum:
last sat: day of fats ate like a pig, brunch with m+p+w and then ice cream+macs w m+p+yj and then dinner with yj
last sun: HORRIBLE DAY. felt like an awkward child while volunteering, teaching children how to make crafty things. decided i cannot stand bratty kids plus y kids so dumb. oops. that sounded mean.
mon: ly for some crafty shopping, then dinner+drinks w ly+c+s
tues: bum bum bum bum bum
wed: crafty with ly + isihua's birthday bash
thurs: recovering from the bday bash
today: arts fest briefing + dinner with sxpx
and next week is gonna be so busy too, plus happyyy because joon is booking out :)
proof that im happy :) and see, so busy no time to work la. -inserts more excuses-
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 1:30 AM
Queek update since it's been so long.
Status: bumming
Quit my job and am now officially a bummer. I have no intention to be gainfully employed at least till next weekend is over. So angry that nobody wants me to tutor/coach them.
I can teach both English and provide dating advice k, hello! Good deal much???
Anyhow. Will be spending my days eating/cooking/reading/going out lots/watching shows. got some plans for this and the coming week so I'm exciteddd (just got to say that to prove I'm not decomposing at home)
Bouts of emotional crap, but am not going to elaborate upon them as of now.
Snore...
Status: bumming
Quit my job and am now officially a bummer. I have no intention to be gainfully employed at least till next weekend is over. So angry that nobody wants me to tutor/coach them.
I can teach both English and provide dating advice k, hello! Good deal much???
Anyhow. Will be spending my days eating/cooking/reading/going out lots/watching shows. got some plans for this and the coming week so I'm exciteddd (just got to say that to prove I'm not decomposing at home)
Bouts of emotional crap, but am not going to elaborate upon them as of now.
Snore
